somethingspecial | 19 [Accidental Video]

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19 [Accidental Video]

[The video cuts on in the middle of Rachel brushing out her hair, watching herself in her mirror. There's a large macaw in the corner, which is the only sign of the event being in her room.

She doesn't seem focused on the PCD -- or the parrot -- but instead on her image in the mirror. Rachel sighs -- the humidity is causing her hair to be curlier and poofier than it normally is and the amount of moisture certainly isn't doing anything for her skin. A tug or two through and the brush makes it through her hair, but the girl looks less than satisfied.

Until Rachel cocks her head to the left and curls her fingers around the handle of her brush and begins to sing to herself, softly, at first, but the more she sings, the louder and more passionate it becomes:]

My mama told me when I was young, we're all born superstars. She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on, in the glass of her boudoir --

[A neat spin and Rachel is full out singing into her mirror -- and seems to be doing a dance, along with her song -- and it appears perfectly choreographed.]

There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are, she said, 'cause he made you perfect, babe, -- so hold your head up, girl, and you'll go far -- listen to me when I say -- !

[The brush is long since forgotten on the dresser, by this point, as she continues her dance.]

I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way -- don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you're set, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way --

[The PCD times out soon after -- the network has apparently had enough diva for the time being.]

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He's something of an excitable individual.

He must really like the song.

This is the first time he's heard it, I... guess.

[The time differences are still odd for her.]

-- but he is quite the fan of the artist.

Must not have come out before he came here.

I suppose not. It's a rather disconcerting idea, considering I was at his house when the song was first released.

Yeah it's pretty weird. Some of my friends here are from different times than me, too.

I think I'm the farthest ahead of them all... maybe. Blaine and Kurt don't remember Regionals and Jesse -- well, we haven't seen each other in quite some time anyway, so I suppose that doesn't matter as much.

You'll figure it all out. We did.

It's disconcerting, to say the very least.

It's true. We don't talk about it a lot, really. Just sometimes.

You aren't curious of your future?

I already know it. I'm going to marry my loved one and be happy with him.

[This... might very well be simple girlish idealism.]

[Rachel smiles a little. She remembers when she used to think that way. Finn -- what a beautiful fever dream it was.]

I don't really need more than that. [She smiles softly. Honestly, becoming queen, any of that, it's so secondary to having that loving family.]

-- I used to want that. It made me lose track of what is truly important.

[Something about that wording doesn't sit well. People have different dreams, of course; she's never thought Minako should be a housewife instead of an idol. But Rachel makes it sound like family, those relationships, don't matter.]

Rachel? What do you mean?

I used to be obsessed with getting that happy ending -- the white picket fence life, I suppose, you would call it. And I spent a very long time chasing someone who isn't going to give me that happy ending.

[Rachel smiles -- it's a little watery, because accepting that hurts, like nothing else, but it's the truth.]

It limited me -- it made me give up certain things that I refuse to give up. My passion, my career -- and while I may never get that happy ending, I will make it to Broadway.

I think it's good to have dreams like that, but... you can't give up on that happy ending, either.

I'm not the girl that's meant to get the happy ending.

[Simply -- and, oddly, without sadness.]

But that's okay, now.

You can still get it.

Maybe.

[She doesn't have a lot of faith in that, but the tone isn't entirely dismissive.]

I'm sure of it. [Softly, but with perfect conviction.]

[She's silent for a moment.]

It's hard to believe that.

Why don't you believe it? There must be a reason you changed your mind, right? You sort of said something bad happened, but I don't really understand what.

[Rachel bites her lower lip for a moment before she glances off camera.]

Have you ever loved someone so badly that you would do anything for them? Anything to keep them happy, anything to get them to look at you, anything to pull them closer to you? You love them so much that you feel like you can't breathe if they aren't at your side, at every hour of the day, and when they don't look your way, you feel like you want to cry?

Certain songs remind you of them and you can't listen to them without crying. You walk down the hall and you want so badly for them to notice you and they just won't. And when they finally do -- you just want to sing it from the rooftops because you feel that special.

[And, finally, Rachel looks at the camera. Her eyes are wet, but she shows no sadness. Instead, it's just the look of a girl who has given her heart one too many times to one too many strangers. It's a weary sort of expression -- one Rachel lacked before she left.]

I'm not meant to be that girl who gets to keep it all the time, because I'm never the girl who can change herself to keep it, because I won't be. I won't be pretty enough, I won't be the head cheerleader, I won't be talented enough -- but I will be Rachel Berry, at the end of the day.

I won't give that up for the world.

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