33 [Video]

[somethingspecial]

[There is only the briefest flash of dark brown hair as Rachel Berry turns on the PCD and races through the aisles to the stage of the theatre that she has been renovating -- and re-renovating. It appears most of it is cleaned up, from the flood, though there is still some obvious damage... but the stage is clear, which is all that really matters. For a moment, all is quiet, until two figures appear on the stage -- Blaine Anderson and Rachel Berry.

It’s Rachel that speaks first, clasping our hands together with a bright and cheery grin, her voice carrying perfectly throughout the stage.]

Excuse me! It has come to our attention that many of you have been struck deaf, blind, and dumb from this recent event, which has apparently transformed all of you into perfectly normal and defenseless human beings. While I am certain this is a tragedy for most of you, it is actually quite the relief to most of us -- so, without further ado, Blaine and I would like to dedicate this performance to the normal people of the city who can finally get a good night’s sleep.

[And she clears her throat.]

[Blaine takes a small step forward on stage, taking Rachel’s hand as he does so she moves with him. Once he’s moved, he turns to face her and, with a smile, he speaks his first few lines before the song is supposed to begin.]

Ha ha, oui, my friends; the day we have waited for may be at hand!

[Rachel grins at the words before she turns to face him, rocking forward on her toes slightly in excitement before she follows up with her next lines.]

Oh, if only that were true, Lumiere!

[He lets out a soft sigh as he turns more toward the camera.]

Aaah...human again.

[Rachel mirrors his reaction to a T as she, too, sighs wistfully and looks out towards the empty audience.]

Human again...

[Blaine offers her a quick glance once more before letting go of her hand and dropping both of his to the side.]

Yes, think of what that means...

[He takes a deep breath and begins to sing. He drags the first two words of the phrase out before continuing the rest at a normal pace. As Blaine performs, he moves across the stage, trying to act out as best as he can the things described in the song.]

I'll be cooking again! Be good-looking again! With a mademoiselle on each arm --

[He offers the camera a quick wiggle of his very triangular eyebrows while singing this line before continuing.]

When I'm human again! Only human again! Poised and polished and gleaming with charm...I'll be courting again! Chic and sporting again!

[Rachel laughs, as she claps her hands along to the silent background music, watching Blaine dance around the stage as she sings the next piece.]

Which should cause several husbands alarm!

[And then Rachel steps to one side, and her voice becomes slightly higher, to take on a new role in the production -- after all, it’s only the two of them, and someone has to play Chip.]

I’ll hop down off the shelf!

[Blaine stops his dancing for a moment to face Rachel again and he extends his arm toward her in a dramatic manner.]

And toute suite, be myself!

[Rachel takes his hand with a grin to be pulled closer, spinning neatly before arriving on his other side, still holding his hand.]

Oh, I can’t wait to be human again!

[It’s then that Rachel lets go of Blaine’s hand to move quickly across the stage, producing a hand mirror from a drawer of a table, raising it to eye-level to look at herself critically. Her singing voice becomes a little higher, and definitely more pretentious, as she takes on yet another role.]

When we're human again! Only human again! When we're knickknacks and what-nots no more!

[She puts the mirror behind her back to return to Chip’s previous singing voice with a grin.]

Little push, little shove; they could, whoosh! Fall in love!

[And out comes the mirror again with a laugh.]

Ah, cherie, won't it all be top-drawer! I'll wear lipstick and rouge! And I won't be so huge! Why, I'll easily fit through that door -- I'll exude savior-faire! I'll wear gowns! I'll have hair! It's my prayer to be human again!

[Blaine steps toward center stage once more, this time straightening up his blazer as he begins his next few lines. He’s also dragging a chair with him and he places it in front of him before he starts singing, this time with an attempt at a stuffy English accent.]

When I'm human again! Only human again! When the world once more making sense -- I'll unwind for a change!

[Rachel puts a mouth to her hands to try not to laugh, before she manages her own atrocious French accent.]

Wouldn’t that be strange!

[He looks over at her, with a mock glare.]

Can I help it if I’m t-t-tense?!

[He turns away from her, his smile once again returning as he starts to step up on the chair, swaying to the imaginary music around him.]

In a shack by the sea, I'll sit back sipping tea -- Let my early retirement commence! Far from fool made of wax -- I'll get down to brass tacks and relax!

[As he says the last line, he jumps over the top of the chair in an excited manner (a nearly high school musical way if people would recognize it). Once he lands, he quickly pulls the chair to the side and joins Rachel again for the rest of the song.

Together, the sing the rest of the song as a duet -- though Rachel seems to have procured brooms for each of them to use as they waltz around one another, cleaning the stage in time with their singing.]

When I'm human again -- So sweep the dust from the floor! Let's let some light in the room! I can feel, I can tell, someone might break the spell Any day now!

[Rachel points the broom dramatically off stage, with a laugh, before she melts back into character.]

Shine up the brass on the door! Alert the dustpail and the broom!

[And Blaine joins her in her sweeping and cleaning as they resume singing together, in more or less perfect pitch and harmony, though it is interrupted by the occassional laugh and swat of a broom by either one of them at any given moment.]

If all goes as planned, our time may be at hand, any day now! Open the shutters and let in some air! Put these here and put those over there! Sweep up the years, of sadness and tears and throw them away!

[Blaine has found himself on top of the table, extending a hand to Rachel to join him. She takes his hand with a grin and is pulled up rather easily, broom still in hand, as they sing.]

When we're human again, only human again -- When the girl finally sets us all free! Cheeks a-bloomin' again -- we're assumin' again -- we'll resume our long lost joie de vie! We'll be playin' again, holiday' again, and we're prayin' it's A-S-A-P!

[Blaine jumps off the table and turns to catch Rachel as she follows suit, spinning her neatly before setting her on her feet, so they can both sing the finale.]

When we cast off this pall, we'll stand straight, we'll walk tall, when we're all that we were! Thanks to him, thanks to her, coming closer and closer, and closer and...

[Rachel grabs Blaine’s hands and together, they drop the brooms, and waltz across the stage, clearly not taking this seriously anymore, but they are still singing the finale, dancing and whirling around with -- well, ease, across the stage. They have clearly rehearsed this.]

We'll be dancing again! We'll be twirling again! We'll be whirling around with such ease! When we're human again, only human again, we'll go waltzing those old one-two-threes! We'll be floating again! We'll be gliding again! Stepping, striding as fine as you please! Like a real human does, I'll be all that I was! On that glorious morn, when we're finally reborn, and we're all of us human again!

[As soon as they are finished singing, Rachel breaks into laughter before she hugs Blaine tightly. They spin for a few times in the center of the stage before Blaine jerks his head towards the camera, taking Rachel's hand, and offering Adstringendum a bow before they both break into laughter again.]

Comments

[somethingspecial]

It is probably the heavy jacket you are wearing, along with lack of proper hydration and no food.

[She's trying really hard not to sound condescending, but it's tough going. Also ignoring your bitching about the apple, because screw you, it's delicious and good for you.]

You should wear a tee-shirt and shorts or something -- let me find more water, I think Jesse brought a case of it here when we were cleaning --

[And she's up to find another bottle.]

[expunger]

Hn. [Ignoring your condescending not-tone, now, and starting to unbutton her jacket. If she were any more reluctant, it would be an HBO original movie and she'd be crying in front of a Japanese businessman. But she strips down to a... camisole her vessel had on underneath, feeling the distinct impression that this isn't nearly enough clothing for anybody, and polishes off the rest of the apple while Rachel goes. Raphael's sensible and exhausted enough to know not to move or push it right now.

Okay, she's not sensible. She's just really tired. Sitting is fine right now.]

[somethingspecial]

[She returns, triumphant, with a gallon container of water that she offers.]

It's not ice cold, but it's water, and it's clean. And you can have the rest of my lunch.

[And Rachel sits, kneeling first, then settling back on her heels -- it's the downfall of almost never wearing pants or shorts. She can't just flop on the ground in a skirt. But she seems comfortable enough to go through her bag to find the rest of her lunch. Her search yields a sandwich with thick slices of tomato, another apple, and a small bag of peanuts.]

You aren't allergic to anything, are you?

[expunger]

[The most difficult thing she has ever said ever.]

...Thank you.

[Drink drink drink. Oh but then Rachel's asking things and Raphael has to really think about it, because when the fuck did an angel ever pay attention? Ever? She can't exactly ask her vessel, either, because Sarah's mind is utterly gone now, leaving Raphael alone in her head.]

Allergies. [Um.] I do not know. Shellfish, I believe. [Nnnnk Rachel you are the best. This is as close to a human look of honest gratitude as Raphael gets, and that food looks so good.]

[somethingspecial]

Well, I don't eat meat or fish, so I think you'll be safe.

[Rachel offers the food with a bright smile.]

And you're welcome, but you don't have to thank me.

[expunger]

[She takes it with a slightly pained look, because someone isn't used to dealing with actual kindness.]

Good. [Nom nom nom.] If memory serves, Gabriel is vegetarian. [A glance.] They have not eaten. We have nothing.

[somethingspecial]

I imagine he is not faring very well with the sudden need to eat, then. It's taken me months to craft a diet to suit my own needs.

[Rachel watches her eat for a second or two before she frowns.]

Are the others just as bad?

[expunger]

No. Accepting the need to eat is difficult in principle. [Chews thoughtfully.] He spent many centuries posed as a pagan god, living among cannibals who preyed on humans. [Moar thinking. S l o w thinking.] I imagine forgoing meat was a cautionary measure against preying on God's best Creation.

[Nom nom.]

Yes. None of us have a trace of experience with organic limitations. My coming to you is more proactive an action than they have taken.

[somethingspecial]

You all should probably learn how to ask help, in this place. It could kill you if you don't.

[She's picking at the peanuts, herself.]

I can help you find food, if you need it for your family.

[expunger]

I am aware. Being here is... progress. [A more delicate and, ah, charitable word than anything truthful that comes to mind.]

[Oh and now she's being generous this is awkward. How do I shot web.] Help would be greatly appreciated. Once I have my Grace I would not let such charity go unrewarded.

[somethingspecial]

You don't have to give me anything.

[Rachel pops a peanut into her mouth with half a grin.]

I would have starved a long time ago without someone to help me -- it is thel east I could do to pass on the favor to someone else in need.

[expunger]

Nonetheless. [No no she insists. She doesn't want to be indebted.] The charity of the virtuous will always be rewarded.

[somethingspecial]

I'm helping you because you're my friend, not because you're an angel of the Lord, you know.

[Rachel shrugs.]

You don't need to give me anything. Honestly. And -- well, should I think of anything I need, then maybe you could help me out.

[expunger]

Regardless of motivation, Rachel. [She grows quiet, looking at her food as if captivated.

After some silence, she speaks quietly.]

Then Abraham approached him and said: “Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked?" The LORD said, “If I find fifty righteous people in the city of Sodom, I will spare the whole place for their sake. For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it.” And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed with his face toward the ground. And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat.

So when God destroyed the cities of the plain, he remembered Abraham, and he brought Lot out of the catastrophe that overthrew the cities where Lot had lived.

[somethingspecial]

[She is silent, listening to the story, and her eyes light up in recognition, but instead of opening her mouth to say she knows the story, she allows Raphael the courtesy of finishing.]

... that's very nice and courteous, but you don't have to thank me as a representative of heaven.

[expunger]

I thank you because it is the right thing to do. I still remember the world as it should be.

[Let her be nice omg. This is how the world is supposed to go. The virtuous, rare as they are, are rewarded. Adstringendum is small, and it's actually... feasible.]

[somethingspecial]

[Hrm. Rachel still doesn't get why offering a sandwich is a huge deal, but she seems ready to let it go all the same.]

Well -- if you insist. And, you know, a lot of people are selfish.

[Rachel folds a napkin neatly.]

I certainly am. But that doesn't mean we're all terrible. Everyone has their bright and kind moments if you allow their stars to shine.

[Finn taught her that.]

[expunger]

I remember the Crusades, Rachel. The stain of Auschwitz upon the Earth and the cry of every slaughtered child in every war.

But your idealism is admirable.

[somethingspecial]

I'm Jewish. I'm very well aware how terrible the Holocaust was, thank you.

[With a moderate huff.]

But people do stupid things for stupid reasons. I'm certain you've done things you regret -- or your family members.

[expunger]

I watched over the Chosen People for centuries. So am I.

[Her sandwich is very interesting. Let's focus on that.]

Humanity is undeserving of our faith as a whole. [Implying that once upon a time, she had it.] The virtuous among them are rarities indeed.

[somethingspecial]

Everyone has the opportunity to shine, but few people call upon it until it is too late.

But everyone should be given the chance to.