somethingspecial | 24 [Accidental Video]

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24 [Accidental Video]

[Rachel is on stage, pacing in agitation. She looks positively exhausted -- there are circles underneath her eyes and her hair is pulled back instead of hanging loose around her shoulders, like it normally is. The music following her is quiet, at least -- but soon, drums are heard -- a guitar, and Rachel stops in her tracks, in the dead center of the stage, before she closes her eyes.

And finally decides to give into the event and sing.

She does the choreography perfectly -- the voices heard alongside hers are exactly as Rachel remembers them -- the music is perfect -- and the event purposefully leaves out Rachel's voice, in the 'recording', so that she can sing along. When she gets to the end, she's grinning, and she stops on the edge of the stage, a hand outstretched to the audience, before she begins to speak:]

If we sing that every single week before Nationals, it would help our morale enormously -- because the most important thing, fellow Glee club-bers, is that we remember precisely where we came from. That is our true strength --

[She clasps her hands together.]

I really think we have a shot at beating Vocal Adrenaline, but Finn, you need to project mo --

[But as Rachel looks up, to her right, she stops speaking abruptly. Because there isn't anyone there.

Her shoulders slump slightly as she presses a hand to her forehead, sighing to herself shakily as she turns back towards the curtains.

Someone hates this event way more than she thought she would.]

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I don't know yet.

[She could go to the clinic, she guesses -- and she knows for a fact that Arthur will always make room for her, if she needs a place to stay. And she is really, really, really not asking Enjolras. Because... no.]

And... a lot of things. I'm selfish and stupid and I obviously don't know what I'm talking about and --

[She pushes herself off the stage to land on her feet in the orchestra pit, throwing up a hand in aggravation.]

-- and telling Rachel Berry to shut up earns you a one-way ticket to Another One Bites The Dust, apparently --

He told you to - [he's. so pissed off, you don't tell a performing artist to shut up, even if he's not singing]

You could stay with me [he raises a hand before she could even say it] in an entirely respectable way, we could not-sleep together, seeing the music won't really allow it, we could talk or to sing whatever song this place sends in our way.

[Oh, Jesse. You know her way too well, because her mouth is already open to point out that the last time they tried that, it ended in a catastrophe --

But Jesse already has that covered and Rachel looks slightly relieved, because -- she so doesn't want to deal with that topic. She turns back to the stage with a frown.]

... I guess so, but -- I don't want to impose on anyone or --

[Make the entire situation worse. She puts her arms on the stage to rest her chin on them, huffing slightly in annoyance.]

It wouldn't matter what I said or did, it would never be enough to make it better. Because I tried to make it easier, but that means I'm pitying him, but if I hadn't tried, it would have made me a heartless --

[And Rachel casts about for a word -- and she finds one, but she pauses for a second or two, before uttering, in quite possibly the most tentative tone ever -- ]

-- well, bitch.

[... Rachel cannot curse and come off sounding threatening. It turns out to be a miserable failure.]

[He raises an eyebrow in her direction, because she never swears, but to hear her saying it -]

You're not a bitch, Rachel, you're anything but. You can't always win with some people, but at the long run, you don't need to win with everyone either. I know you care about everyone and that they're your friends but you've been in this - [now he looks like it's hurting him to say] funk for days now. You need to put it behind you.

[Funk. When was the last time she felt this fixated? When Jesse abruptly dumped her and left her for Vocal Adrenaline. How had she gotten over it last time? Singing by herself hadn't helped -- Finn hadn't helped much, either -- no, it was all of them pulling together as a team that had gotten them over their briefest hitch of confidence.]

... I know I do.

[She draws a design in the lingering dust on the stage for a moment, frowning to herself.]

I just don't know how.

[His thoughts strayed at the same direction. He didn't really know what advice to give her. When he thought of how he coped with losing her, with choosing Vocal Adrenaline because she hurt his feelings or worse - when he thought how he lived through this year only one answer came.

He lived up to his soulless automaton reputation. Which is something that Rachel couldn't do, of course.

It took him a few seconds to realize the soft piano notes of Hello has changed to something else. When he did, he grinned a bit before moving to stand up on the stage. The guitars were a good change, and finally the song selection even fitted. He did have an answer for her after all. He gave her a look before he started to sing:

Don't breathe too deep, don't think all day.
Dive into work, drive the other way.
That drip of hurt, that pint of shame,
Goes away, just play the game - ]

[Rachel blinks as Jesse stands up to get on stage, eyes following him.]

What are you doing -- ?

[But then he starts to sing and she looks a little puzzled before laughing to herself, leaning forward on the stage to watch him sing.

Right. Of course. RENT.]

[He moved towards her, offering his hand to help her to her feet. As the beat changed towards the chorus:

You're living in America,
At the end of the millenium.

You're living in America -
Leave your conscience at the tone.]

[She takes it to pull herself up, shaking her head slightly with a smile, glancing over her shoulder at the empty theatre before inhaling quickly to take the next verse away from him.

... he interrupts her all the time, Rachel figures it is justifiable just this one time.]

And when you're living in America, at the end of the millennium, you are what you own --

[He grinned, actually pleased that she seemed more focused than just miserable. He knew that one of the things Rachel couldn't help but focus on was singing, so in that case, all she needed was a song to sing.

He was pretty pleased with the fact he somehow wounded up with Roger's part, seeing he two only understood how much he needed a certain girl after being away from her for a year.

The filmmaker cannot see -]

[Rachel cannot pass up an opportunity to sing RENT. Ever. Though she returns the grin, she is pretty incredulous at being cast as Mark. Though she can't envision Jesse as anyone else but Roger.

Rachel, though, keeps up perfectly -- ]

And the songwriter cannot hear --

[He walks forward, hands coming to rest on her cheeks for the next lines:]

But I see Mimi everywhere -

[She can't surpress the smile -- and Rachel leans forward to lean against him. The movement doesn't cause her to miss her cue.]

Angel's voice is in my ear --

[Making Rachel smile, especially if she was upset before is one of the things that fluff is ego. He gives her a meaningful look, seeing it is exactly the answer to her previous question]

Just tighten those shoulders -

[She's understanding, now, the song selection -- and her smile softens a little as she continues to sing, into a sudden look of understanding.]

Just clench your jaw 'till you frown --

[She gets it, he sees it in her eyes and from that point on somehow the song turns better, more passionate, since they see eye to eye. His fingers thread into her hair as his main point begins to build -

And when you're dying in America,
At the end of the millenium,
You're not alone -]

[It's clever -- very clever -- get her mind off of what's bothering her and give her what she needs to do in the same breath -- ]

I'm not alone --

[He smiles at her when the song ends, fading back into Hello, though, at least less loud]

I think you got your answer.

[She's quiet for a moment before leaning forward a little bit more, to give Jesse a proper hug.]

Thank you.

[He holds her tightly, smiling a bit]

You're doing just fine Rachel. Even if it doesn't feel like it.

[The hug makes her feel much better.]

I hate feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. It's suffocating.

[Rachel is not a quiet person. Or a subtle one. She kicks down the door belting Don't Rain On My Parade with ten minutes notice -- she isn't a fan of minding what she says and sings.]

Of course it is - because you're Rachel Berry. You're not meant to walking on eggshells you're meant to rising to stardom. And you shouldn't be anyone other than Rachel Berry, not for anything. I know it's hard, Rachel, with the kids in your school being how they were and with people trying to define for you what being Rachel Berry means. But the only one who knows who Rachel Berry really is - that's you. And crappy events aside, you know that person deserves to be celebrated.

[She looks a little... surprised, at the talk. Not very many people tell her things like that -- Finn does, in his own way, but Rachel spends a good deal of her day... reigning in her personality. It gets to be a lot, and Rachel recognizes that -- her extraordinarily high maintenance need for attention, her desperate need to be loved -- it's annoying and aggravating. Even Rachel herself finds it annoying and aggravating.

But reigning in the negative aspects of her personality is not the same as reigning in Rachel Berry herself. And Rachel gets those wires crossed... a lot.]

... do you really believe that?

I fell in love with Rachel Berry, who is this amazing girl who you can only meet in a lifetime. And yes she's dramatic and emotional, but I am too. And I'll never want her to be anyone else, of course I believe that, Rachel. I wouldn't have loved you if I didn't.

[She's quiet for a moment or two, to digest that -- ]

I didn't know why I fell in love with you, at first, besides the obvious -- shallow reasons -- you can sing, you have the same goals as I do, all of that --

[Rachel pauses.]

But... when you left, I realized that -- you're one of the only people who taught me how to stand up for myself without trying to change who I was or how I dress or what I sing or justify my priorities or why I had to write Andrew Lloyd Webber an eight page letter demanding psychological treatment for the sequel to The Phantom of the Opera --

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24 [Accidental Video]

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