somethingspecial | 19 [Accidental Video]

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19 [Accidental Video]

[The video cuts on in the middle of Rachel brushing out her hair, watching herself in her mirror. There's a large macaw in the corner, which is the only sign of the event being in her room.

She doesn't seem focused on the PCD -- or the parrot -- but instead on her image in the mirror. Rachel sighs -- the humidity is causing her hair to be curlier and poofier than it normally is and the amount of moisture certainly isn't doing anything for her skin. A tug or two through and the brush makes it through her hair, but the girl looks less than satisfied.

Until Rachel cocks her head to the left and curls her fingers around the handle of her brush and begins to sing to herself, softly, at first, but the more she sings, the louder and more passionate it becomes:]

My mama told me when I was young, we're all born superstars. She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on, in the glass of her boudoir --

[A neat spin and Rachel is full out singing into her mirror -- and seems to be doing a dance, along with her song -- and it appears perfectly choreographed.]

There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are, she said, 'cause he made you perfect, babe, -- so hold your head up, girl, and you'll go far -- listen to me when I say -- !

[The brush is long since forgotten on the dresser, by this point, as she continues her dance.]

I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way -- don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you're set, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way --

[The PCD times out soon after -- the network has apparently had enough diva for the time being.]

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[He half expects her to say just that. She has friends here, why would she talk to him?

but then -]

..Whenever you'd like.

I'm not doing anything now.

[She may as well get it over with. And the path to the casino is relatively safe, from what she's seen.]

I'll meet you there.

[Rachel keeps the PCD connection open when she leaves, just in case anything else needs to be said -- but she reaches the casino without any trouble whatsoever. The piano is just as it always is, but Rachel doesn't sit behind it. Instead, she simply watches it, her back to the entrance, completely lost in her own thoughts.]

[He'll just leave and walk quickly, somehow eager to understand just what's going on around here. He'll enter and move to stand in front of her, no surprises this time]

Hey.

[She glances over at Jesse with a thin smile, crossing her arms in front of her. It made them feel farther away, for some reason.]

You didn't tell me whether or not you liked the song.

I liked it, a lot. I told you, you're talented. And now it didn't had Barbara's depth. It had Rachel Berry depth, which is very respectable I have to say, since it's your song.

[She looks pleased, with the compliment, and even smiles a little.]

Well, that was the point. I'm glad -- it was well-received. A standing ovation, actually -- I hadn't been expecting such a positive response, but once I got that -- well, the group number was easy.

[There's a silence for a moment as her smile melts away into something more serious.]

Our leadership changed because Finn decided he needed something better. It was my idea to create original songs for Regionals, because I assumed we were facing Vocal Adrenaline again -- but when we weren't, well, I still wanted to do something better than last year, something that we would use to win without fail.

[He listens to her but wait - what- ]

He needed something better - [Clenches his fists. Dammit Finn, he screwed up, yes, it was your job to just be grateful that he did and behave -]

I made a stupid mistake.

[Why is Jesse upset? He shouldn't be. It was none of his concern.]

-- I've made a lot of stupid mistakes.

[Upset. If he could. Hit Finn he would -]

He needed something better - [He's still there because haha, he saw her school, there's nothing better in this school - in the country - and if you ask Jesse possibly in their coast than Rachel-]

[Her brow furrows as she reaches out to touch his arm gently. Focus. She's uncertain, because -- he looks so upset.]

It was over before it even began. It doesn't matter.

[The moment she touches his arm he takes a deep breath and tries to - relax and remind himself that Finnisn'there isn'there 'cause if he was he'd probably punch his face, no sing-off and no nothing and for a minute right there he wants to kiss Rachel, because hell Rachel hell -]

Doesn't matter? Rachel. What did he do?

Quinn. He went back to Quinn.

[It's quiet and Rachel shrugs, to try and look like it didn't matter, but it did. It always did. Finn always gave her those few happy blissful months and then Rachel is left alone.]

He went back to - ?!

[What the fuck. The pregnant ex cheerleader girl? It's the biggest cliche - he'll turn over for a second so she wouldn't see how angry he is. It's really - really Finn? Really? He lost the girl he loves to you and you do this. What the - he'll turn back, looking less angry than he really is but still - enraged. He doesn't know what to say without losing his temper so he'll just look at her - and yeah just look at her]

... every great song is written out of pain and loneliness, Jesse.

[Rachel averts her eyes, uncomfortable by the intensity of the gaze.]

I simply used what happened to my advantage. We won Regionals and we now have a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Rachel - [He thinks of whether or not to even tell her that but eventually he'll turn her head gently because it's important]

Rachel - after I messed us up as I did, and I saw you singing Faithfully with Finn in Regionals - I thought he was a good guy. Much less of a professional singer than me but I thought - I thought he was a good guy since he never fought with me over you when he saw we were together. And when I was in LA and I was thinking of you I figured that well, at least you're treated right by him, at least he's doing better than I am -

[Which is. So ironic now and it makes him so angry -]

[She stiffens when Jesse turns her head, impossibly tense, but she doesn't move his hand away as she meets his eyes. They show an impossible amount of sadness, because that's not what she wants to hear.]

He's not a bad guy. [It's said almost weakly, because Rachel, as Rachel always will, defends Finn.] He just -- it wasn't meant to be.

[She reaches up to move his hand away from her cheek.]

Quinn Fabray is the girl who gets Finn Hudson. That's -- all there is to it.

[There's something so - so heartbreaking and frustrating in this position here, now. Absurdly Jesse can hear 'I'm Not That Girl' echoing in his mind but he doesn't let her move his hand not yet anyway -]

Well Rachel Berry will get more than the small town cliche with the football player. She'll get much greater things.

[And that's it, now she can move his arm and everything]

[She doesn't let go of his hand, right away, and she looks troubled.]

That's what Quinn told me.

[It's... quiet -- absent, almost.]

Hence the song.

[He's pretty happy with that fact so he'll give her a long look]

Well she seems to know at least what she's talking about at a certain percent of the time -

[Rachel shrugs. She does, and Rachel hated it, because that was the one thing Rachel didn't want to be wrong about. Everything was supposed to be okay, when Finn told her that he loved her. How hard was it for someone to keep that promise? She certainly didn't tell people that lightly. Why did everyone else?]

It's over now, anyway.

[he nods slowly. Trying not to go back to wanting to break Finn's face. It's a bit hard but he manages since - really Finn had her. She loved him - that what the one thing that made Jesse break up with her and in his anger and well, disappoitment, break her heart because he loved her - loves her - and somehow he never knew how to do the right thing eith Rachel. Then again he never loved anyone before her either]

It's his lost.

[their lost. But that he kept to himself]

It doesn't feel that way.

[It's a quiet admission, and Rachel finally lets go of his hand to cross her arms across her chest. Because it really doesn't feel that way. It feels like she screwed up -- and Rachel did, she knows she did. In a moment of anger and aggravation, she completely ruined what she thought was the best thing in her life.

But, as Quinn so bluntly put it, it wasn't meant to be. And Rachel knew it was the truth. It was just a time-bomb, ticking down to the inevitable explosion where Rachel couldn't handle being placed second for football and Finn couldn't handle Rachel's obsessive need to succeed.

It just wasn't meant to be.]

"Now - it doesn't feel like that now, but you know what Rachel - one day he'll realized he lost someone very valuable, and possibly the best girl he'll ever meet - I know I did," he allowed a bit of a confession, "and he'll feel like the idiot he is but you will be in another place entirely. New York, Broadway, everything you ever wanted. High school will be nothing."

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